Tonight my heart is raw, open, the layers of fakery stripped away
Tonight it's just you and me
My tears fall as I sit on my lap top writing this
my false self is slowing dying away
I can no longer hide behind the streams of positive words and fake hopeful declarations I use as a wall to disquise my real heart
My real heart which screams out did I do something wrong? Have I failed you?
But wait even that's not the heart of it, that's not the real fear
I can feel the real questions surfacing
Am I a bad Daughter? Are you dissapointed in me?
How long till I am ready
When is my time?
I walk around, my heart hurting, in pain
You told me to let this vision die, but I don't know how
My heart fails me!
I try and stay strong, but I don't have the strength
I fear the frailty of my heart at times!
I fear to let go, even though it has already died
My heart is going against everything I know is true
That you love me!
You are my Father therefore you will take care of me
You don't just love me, you know me! In the most intimate way possible
You love my soul!
and even though I know this, my heart screams "It's never going to happen for you"
The battle wages between my heart and my mind!
I will not give in
The only thing left to do is trust in you
Your heart
I know your heart!
Your Father's heart is what I have staked my life on
I don't know your plan, but I know you
and in that I will Trust!!!!
