In some ways I don't know what all it entails to be me. I am constantly changing and discovering new things about myself and becoming a new person. Sometimes I wonder if I am brave enough to be myself. For the most part I am pretty much an open book. I don't hide things, and lead an open life. As my journey with Christ has deepened I have become more comfortable in my own skin, because I have finally started to figure out a little bit of who I really am. But, there are many things I remain insecure about. I'm a loud person and I always have been.....Most of the time I have no idea I am being so but people constantly remind me (for the most part it doesnt seem to bother people)...but I'm not gonna lie it'a embarresing to be known as "the loud one". I think because society seems to put this stigma on ladies, that they need to be quiet and soft spoken. I also tend to be the tom boy.....I am most comfortable in a pair of jeans and a hoodie... Recently I have begun to start dressign I guess what you would call "girly"...but I find myself feeling out of place. Sometimes I wonder am I really a tom boy? or do I like to dress that way because that's how I have always dressed? Am I now dressing girly because I feel like I have to? because thats whats proper for girls to do? Or am i just not comfortable with it yet? Sorry I feel liek I am going in circles here. Highschool was such an awkward time for me....I was in a really bad place in my life, suicidal, depressed etc..... I dressed in camo pants and t-shirts, or just jeans and t-shirts (yes feel free to make fun).... Although I am a far cry from that now sometimes I still feel like that awkward girl. As much as I grow sometimes it's hard to figure out who I am? I sometimes still feel very awkward....Im loud, outgoing, and full of opinions!!!! I'm not soft spoken, graceful, or girly. Sometimes I can't figure out if that's just me and if it's ok?
Sometimes it's hard to figure out who I really am? And what the expectations are that i should be? And if I figure it out would I have the courage to be myself or would I constantly be trying to change to fit what society thinks I should be like? Not in major ways just in stupid ways like dress etc????? Anyway those are just some things that have been on my mind. Am I brave enough to be myself? And frankly what is that? In small areas like this I still don't know!
