I have always been known as an open person....I find it fairly easy to be honest and open with people about my feelings (hence the reason I like to blog).....and since I am blunt (with tact of course) I usually don't mind sharing my feelings and experiences with people.....I'm not a very private person!!! I don't have anything to hide so I share a lot of what is going on in my life!! God has done so much healing in my life I like to share it with other's!!!
Relationships with people have usually come very easy to me as well... I am outgoing and don't really know a stranger....I'm the person that will go introduce myself to a perfect stranger. I love people....And I have always given people a 100% chance when I meet them! No matter how many times I have been hurt in the past! I tend not to hold grudges....I don't know how smart the whole 100% trust thing is but that's who I am.... I try not to compare people...but with this can come a lot of hurt....I don't guard my heart. I give myself to people 200%...when I love someone I love them! I love hard! And I tend to love people very easily!
One thing I have come to discover is that because of my past with my dad....my relationships with males are extra sensitive! If I get hurt it hurts twice as bad! I am more likely to feel rejected or abandoned twice as fast! I always fear the men in my life (friends, God father, etc) will wake up one day and say "Your not worth it" and leave!!! I know in my head it won't happen but deep down in my heart of hearts it's always a fear! I never feel God will leave me just people! I kinda feel like I am drifting and getting off the point so let me real it back in! Back in February my Ex and I ended our relationship.....and for 6 months after I couldn't move on! And through a weird circumstance we started talking again about 3 weeks ago and come to find out he still loved me! We decided we wanted to pray about getting back together and whether it was the right thing...was it what God had for us....anyway I'm not going to go into details but we decided that getting back together was not the best thing and that even though we loved each other there were to many issues that were still getting in the way! We ended things on great terms, told each other we loved each other and that was it! It was done! I didn't think it was possible but my heart worse the 2nd time around! Some good stuff came out of it...I got closure and God revealed some awesome stuff to me through him! He was a great guy and I won't ever regret it.....but for the first time I am truly scared to ever do this again! He was my first love and so I know that might be part of it but I also know myself and know that I gave my heart away to quickly! And even though it was a good experience and learned a lot....it hurt and still does so much! I never knew it could feel that bad! It felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest! And for the first time I am scared to open my heart up again! I don't want to be that person but I also don't want to be that peron who always gives her heart away to where there is nothing left or only pieces left! I'm scared to give my heart away again! I know it's natural to be scared that you are gonna get hurt but that's not normally who I am so this is fairly new to me! I always seem to go to an extreme....I just want to be balanced...not to guarded but not to where I am frivelous with my heart!
Just needed to get that out!
Love you all :)
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