The Real Fear

I don't fear being abandoned by God...I know him to well and trust him to much for that....I've had the revelation of how much he loves me.....It's everyone else I always fear are going to leave and say "Your not worth it...

This I have discovered is the root of my fear!!! Not merely just people pleasing... I truly to the bottom of my soul fear that I will be abandoned!!! I have found this fear is deeply seeded with men!!! No matter what the relationship (father, brother, friend, boy friend)...As much as I thought that my statement above was true and valid I am realizing it is full of errors and contridictions!!! It is true that I have a close relationship with God, and I trust him above anyone!!! He has proven his love to me over and over and I know he will always be there!!! The core of my identity in Christ has been and will always be that I am a Daughter of God!!!! I am his daughter!!! What tranformed me was the revelation that no matter how screwed up I am, the real me, is loved by God!!! He is the Lover of my soul no matter how sinful and flawed I am he still loves me!!! But my struggle has come with believing that other's can love me and accept the real me! I always worry if I am making people upset!!! I walk on egg shells and don't realize it most of the time!!! I try and anticipate whether people will be angry before it ever happens!!! I avoid it at all costs!! Even my best friend who i know loves me! I wonder if I make a mistake will she want out of the friendship? So now I look and wonder...Do I consider myself of so little worth? In one sentence I am speaking of how God is so great and how he loves me but the next insult him by acting as if what he made (me or others) arent worth loving (in essence what he made was crap!)...what an insult to him! He said that what he made was good!!! So why do I believe that God can love me but not others? There is no evidence that this will even happen! It's all in my mind.... Mark Driscoll said this:

"Something doesnt have to be true to be devastating it just has to be believed"

So is the real root fear of abandonment? or something else deeper than that?

just some contemplations!!!!